How to Know a Soul Mate

soul mate

Is the person I am with my soul mate? Many times in a reading, I am asked if their current partner is a soul mate, or if they will ever meet their soul mate in this lifetime.

How will you know your soul mate when you do meet them? We all want to meet that person who loves and accepts us so much and we feel the same way.

Is this what a soul mate relationship is like? And what if you never meet your soul mate. Are you doomed to okay relationships but never that special connection? What if your soul mate is already married?!

First, a misconception about soul mates. Some people say that you only have one soul mate. Actually, you have several. And they are not all of the opposite sex! You have friends, family, colleagues and intimate partners who may be soul mates. So for those who ask will I ever find love, know that there are soul mates out there for you!

There is a strong resonance when you meet your soul mate. You may feel an immediate connection with them or that you already know them. Sometimes this feeling happens because a person is part of your soul group or soul family. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why a person is in your life, it’s possible there could be a soul connection there, or simply something to learn.

A soul group or soul family is comprised of the people in your life. You tend to reincarnate over and over with them, in different roles.

The members of a soul group help each other to grow spiritually. This means that sometimes they will be there as a support and sometimes as a catalyst for change.

They may be in your life for any length of time. Your soul mate is part of your soul group. Many people feel that when they meet their soul mate it is divinely decreed. In other words, they feel they were fated to meet.

Although you may meet your soul mate, unfortunately, you do not always end up with that person. Sometimes your life paths may cross but may not travel together.

This could happen be because you are not in the right circumstances to have a committed relationship with that person. Or, for whatever reason, you are contracted to experience different things in life that does not require you to have a relationship with that particular soul mate. We know very little of the overall divine blueprint.

But don’t despair! Soul mates will come together when the time is right to do so. Even if you are not in a relationship with your soul mate, you can still work at creating harmony, respect and love in your current relationship.

But when you do meet your soul mate, there will be no doubt. You’ll feel that you have never loved anyone as you love your soul mate. There is a natural compliment and connection that happens where you feel complete.

When you are not around them, you miss them deeply. Being with them makes life more enjoyable. Even if you have a brief relationship with them, they leave an impression on you that never leaves you. And your soul yearns for that connection again.

Life is not meant for us to wait unfilled for a soul mate to come. There are many people who have fulfilling relationships with people who are not soul mates. What is important is that we love each other. We can create meaningful connections in the relationships that we have.

I hope you enjoyed this article! If so, please share:

Selina Khan, Toronto Psychic Medium and Reiki Master
About the Author: Selina Khan

I'm a Psychic Medium and Reiki Master serving Toronto, Oakville, and worldwide. I help spiritual seekers & open-minded people get clarity, find meaning, and develop their own intuitive abilities so they can live up to their true spiritual potential and life purpose.

Looking for some help in your spiritual development? Selina offers Intuition and Spiritual Development Workshops, as well as one-on-one Spiritual Mentoring.

  • Izzy February 1, 2012, 3:11 am

    I was wondering, once you find your romantic soulmate, how will you get reincarnated together again into another relationship here on earth? I met mine and we’ve been told that we have a long history as a couple, which we hope to continue.

  • admin February 2, 2012, 2:53 am

    Thanks for your question! Who we choose to reincarnate with, I believe, is decided by our Spirits once we are between lives. As you already have a strong connection with your soul mate, it would be likely that you would arrange to meet in future lives.

  • jbelleisle February 2, 2012, 7:24 am

    Great article! I love how you emphasize that there is more to life than finding your soul mate and many others ways to find fulfillment. So many get caught up in that whole Hollywood notion of finding the person of our dreams who will complete us.

  • Kimberly Thompson October 28, 2014, 4:19 am

    This is exactly what I experienced when I met my soul mate. We were both in other relationships, and had never met before. We had a mutual friend who had invited all her friends over for a thanksgiving dinner last year. When I walked in her door with my boyfriend at the time, my eyes were immediately drawn to her fireplace and more specifically at the man sitting in the chair by the fireplace. As soon as our eyes met-I froze. It’s like time stopped. My boyfriend was apparently talking to me and was asking what was wrong bc I was responding to his question. Anyways I ran into him 3 months later, and both of us had struggled I. Our relationships since that day and now we talk and be friends and maybe one day date. Bc of getting hurt so many times in my past relationships, I was reluctant to let myself be with him-but he never gave up on me. He told me that he couldn’t let me go even if he wanted to bc he was so drawn to me that it was like he had waited his whole life to meet me and he would give me all the time I needed. I finally confessed I felt the same and we just melted into each other and yes it was like a love I have never experienced. The chemistry was unbelievable. He became my entire world and I was often complimented on how much more happy I looked by many of my friends and I even had a friend tells that I glowed with love. I know in my heart and my gut that he is/was my soul mate. I say “was” because 2 weeks ago he was killed in a horrific motorcycle accident. And now, as you mentioned before, I feel as if I am not complete anymore. Like I am totally lost and feel so incomplete. I don’t know how to recover from this. There is no closure in this bc I refused to see his body after the accident, I didn’t want that to be my last image of him…..then he was cremated. All I hear is his last words “bye baby, I’ll be back quickly” and then the sound of his motorcycle as he left.

  • Selina October 30, 2014, 12:44 am

    Hi Kimberly,

    I’m so sorry to hear about this man’s sudden passing. It can seem so cruel that we meet those we feel so connected to and then they are gone out of our lives. The gifts of this man was to show you that you are capable of feeling true love and opening your heart, being valued as you are in unconditional love. What are you going to do with this gift moving forward in your life?

    Take all that love he showed you and learn to give it to yourself so you can heal and move on. It will take time. There are reasons beyond our understanding for why these things happen.

    Closure is possible without seeing his body. In fact, closure does not depend on another person. It’s something that you find within you.

    Eventually, we will all reunite on the other side. Until then, be kind to yourself and focus on what brings you joy in the present moment. Little by little, things change.

    With kind blessings,

  • michelle stephens February 8, 2015, 11:52 am

    Well I met a guy and he don’t feel like he is my soul mate but he married me but I feel different when he gone to the store I miss him when he at work I miss him but he don’t love like I do so now I wonder if he was my soul mate I gave up all my bad habits I really truly love him with everything in me but he don’t feel the same so I guess he is not my soulmate so my thing is why I feel like he is my soulmate and he feel different

  • Confused September 10, 2015, 4:34 pm

    I am married and have been for 3.5 years and been with my husband a total of 6.5 years. However about 4 years before I met my husband I had been seeing this guy on and off for a very long time. Every time I got a boyfriend or he got a girlfriend, we would mess around on our other halves with one another. I also slept with this man before I was proposed to by my current husband and had even told this man that I wasn’t in love with him… Well many years later 10 years to be exact and him and I have been chatting back and forth and I told him that I loved him and that I had made a huge mistake.. Up to this very day I can feel him in my bones, he gives me butterflies when I think about him and I miss him dearly.. I feel that we have a connection like I have never felt before and if it is possible that he is my soulmate? He is still single and any relationships he gets into never lasts and he always winds up talking to me again and wanting to see me.. I haven’t crossed that line as I am a married woman and I’m terrified of hurting my husband but I have big love for this other man.. I am so confused.

  • Angie chapman January 10, 2016, 9:54 pm

    Is it possible that a soulmate could be someone you don’t actually get along with very well? I ask this because i feel very strongly that my exgirlfriend is my soulmate. We fight about most everything now but still, the love we have for each other just doesn’t fade for either of us.
    We don’t know what to do or even understand why we feel such a strong connection! We try to give distance and not talk but it proves impossible. And it’s not a physical pull. It’s this strong need to know the other is happy and doing well in life. We want to be friends and never loose touch but it has been 3 years now of these intense feelings for each other that seems to take us to the darkest places but also the most beautiful ones.
    As personalities go, we could not be more different. Really it’s like it doesn’t even make sense to be friends as we can’t agree and most anything. I am a vegan, she eats meat, I love to sleep early and she loves to go out and stay up.
    Could you give me your opinion?
    Back to the initial question, it is possible a soulmate can be someone you don’t get along with? Someone you are NOT compatible with?
    Why love someone soooooo much if you can’t do anything together without compromising something about yourself ?

  • Selina Khan January 11, 2016, 2:31 pm

    Hi Angie,

    That is a great question. I believe that it is possible and here’s why. Our soul group and soul mates incarnates with us. Sometimes we are so connected to someone that we want to be in their lives. We may play certain roles to help each other evolve. But that doesn’t mean that you will walk the same path. Each of you will have your own experiences and preferences, goals and such. You may have had many past lives together and when you see each other in this lifetime, it feels so familiar that you feel that you should be together. However, it might not be meant to be for this lifetime.

    It can be very frustrating to be with someone like this and yet there may be an inexplicable pull and sense of love. One of the lessons to learn, whether you are with the person or not, is to just accept them for who they are and enjoy the parts of the relationship where you do relate.

    Many blessings,

  • Masoome February 23, 2016, 1:49 pm

    Dear selina
    Thanks for such topic…ive been having a problem that i dont know how to solve it.
    About 7 month ago i met a man who showed me his love and that he wants us to be together but i refused to get closed to him because he is married.still when we met each other i felt as if weve been melt to each other and even i felt all his chakras opening to me and mine opening to his..but like allways i refuse that process to continue because i didnt know what would happen after our chakras getting matched to each other…what is problem now is that i feel depressed so much that i want my life to end up sooner and my soul is never gonna get calm because my soul loves him so deeply but my mind refuse to get close to him.i had been working on my subconscious mind to make it satisfied not to think about this man because i even dont wanna rouin another womans life with my subcounscious mind attraction power…and i really love to know what weve done to each other in our past i really need help if u have had any simillar case our any solution i would be thankhsfull .

  • Del February 25, 2016, 4:40 am

    Please help me.

    I am badly hurt after knowing my soulmate is not the kind of a girl I want to marry as I am highly interested in Korean-American (foreign) girls. I don’t want to change my mind nor meet my soulmate even though I have left a long time to settle with a girl. I am worried whether, will destiny or something change my mind or will destiny let us to meet each other somewhere. If I determine not to marry or meet soulmate any-day, can I keep present mindset all along and avoid such a thing to happen? But unfortunately, if I have to meet her somewhere how can I work to restrict any relationship-building between us.

  • Selina Khan February 25, 2016, 11:36 am

    Hi Del,

    You are a free-will being. That means that you decide how to react to circumstances in your life and make your own choices. We create our own destiny’s in that sense. Your intentions, strength of character, and values will help you make the right choices for you.

    All the best to you,


  • Selina Khan February 25, 2016, 12:41 pm

    Hi Masoome,

    I have clients who experience the same thing as you are right now. Yes, it can be very hard to move on when someone is not willing to make the full commitment to you. People do it, and you can too. Some need help with someone to talk to like a therapist and others rely on friends or family who know about the situation. Still others become very determined and find the strength and courage to keep themselves choosing what’s best for them even when they are drawn to go back.

    One method I can share with you on an energetic level is that whenever you start to think about him or feel his energy, you imagine a wall or a pane of glass that comes between you and blocks out that energy. When you start to think about him, change your energy by doing something else that won’t be focusing on him – start cleaning, sing, have a shower, get to work on something. Start breaking the energy habits that keep you connected so strongly.

    I wish you all the best,


  • Chelsea Simmons November 16, 2016, 1:19 am

    I met a man named R who I connect well with, he is a coworker. I am not sure if he likes me as much as I do, but we’ve been talking for a short period of time and the immense connection that I have with him is so intense that when I am feeling down, he will tell me something or do something that will transform me for the better. He caters to me, he buys me lunch, he eats from my food, drinks from my drinks, he listens, our humor is the same, and we text one another almost everyday. We share music together, and our music taste is also the same. I let him read my writings. I look forward to seeing him, he encourages me, emotionally, artistically, musically, and spiritually. Our desires are the same, what we plan on doing in our lives are identical, our views, future goals, our dreams are parallel. He stands for what I stand for. His likes and dislikes are also the same. We’re twins. He is thinking what I am thinking, it’s as if we’re telepathic. The downfall is that he is married with kids, which he hasn’t mentioned to me, I had to find that out from someone else and I haven’t brought his wife up or kids, but our connection spiritually and emotionally makes me feel like I have found a safe home in him. It just breaks me apart knowing he is married, with kids. I am not wanting a commitment, but to just hold him, kiss him, wake up beside him, or the thought of him might not being in my life forever makes me deeply sad.
    I just want him beside me for a very long time. He has done more for me in a month than the people who have known for a year. This is how strong the connection is that I am feeling with him.

    I had met a soulmate of mine named N, which I believe there are several soulmates, at the age of 12. We were involved for 9 years. I loved N, we were alike just like me and R (the coworker). In the beginning, we gravitated towards each other, me and N, but then it became toxic. N became obsessive and had caused a lot of pain in my life emotionally and mentally, but I learned so much and the love was so intense that N still can’t let me go unless N meets another soulmate… I had broke it off a couple months ago, and now I met R (the one who I met a work), and after I said farewell to N (the one I broke it off for 9 years), do keep in mind that we weren’t in a relationship, we were just deeply involved with one another romantically, emotionally, artistically, etc. After N I met R (the coworker).

    It’s hard knowing that there is a blockage and limitations when it comes to R. I wanted to know if I should still pursue him despite him being married and not stop the lessons and the transformation from happening in our lives because we connect so well and this connection is much stronger than the connection I had with N, this connection can make us better people…

    His love and mine are so identical and healing, it is hard not wanting to be physical, and I am very physically attracted to him…

    What should I do? Should I continue to pursue him? If my soulmate is married, what is the wisest thing to do? I have these urges and it just drives me wild knowing that our intimacy could be so lifechanging.

  • Selina Khan November 16, 2016, 10:26 am

    Hi Chelsea,

    Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. Yes I agree with you that we have many soulmates and not just one. Some may be romantic, others not.

    People choose to do different things that they feel are right for them. Some of my clients feel that they are meant to be with that person who is already married because of their strong feelings and connection, and others choose to put a boundary down and not pursue due to circumstances of one or both already being committed to someone else. It is a hard choice, and one that I can’t make for you. Both result in consquences, but one choice affects more people. It’s what you will be able to live with within yourself in the end.

    I wish you all the best,

  • wendymaks January 24, 2017, 4:28 am

    Dear Selina
    I met this man recently after 20 years. 20 years ago we were in the same high school and for some reason he always picked on me. Fast forward to present day I ran into him and we connected like never before. We started talking a lot and the first time we actually spoke, there was such a strong connection. He’s confessed that he’s totally in love with me and it’s a pull he can’t explain. I feel it too. It feels like I’ve known him for a lifetime although I can say we just started speaking since we never spoke in high school. He’s engaged to be married in a few months. Do you think by chance that he may be my soul mate? Sometimes I wish we had met earlier.

  • Selina Khan February 16, 2017, 4:56 pm

    Hi Wendymaks,

    Yes he may be a soul mate of yours. Often there is a strange pull or connection that can’t be explained. It’s on an energetic level, not only a deep emotional level. I hope he sorts this all out before he gets married. To marry while in love with another is not the best way to start a committed union. Sometimes things need to sort out before a path becomes clear.

    All the best,

  • Adelina April 10, 2017, 3:29 am

    I have met my soulmate in October last year. I had flashbacks with him and the next day I couldn’t stop thinking about him in a romantic way. We were seeing each other once in a while at school and smiling at each other, he knew I really liked seeing him and being around him and I could feel he felt the same way. He asked me to meet 2 months later and we met on his birthday. He told me how he felt about me and that he feels this strong connection between us and that he wants to be in my life. He asked me to create music for him and asked me if I composed songs. I said I didn’t, but just a few weeks before he suggested that, I had wrote a song about our connection from past lives and our purpose on planet Earth. I sent him this song which was an obvious love declaration. We kept on seeing each other and amazing things happened in our lives: wishes and dreams coming true, small or big, 9 times out of 10 we were reading each other’s minds, completing each other’s sentences, etc. I saw something in his eyes that looks familiar, but still I haven’t seen in anybody else’s eyes in this lifetime. It’s a feeling of protection, security, deep profound understanding, pure unconditional love and the feeling that everything’s gonna be ok. It was very difficult to not kiss each other or keep our hands off from each other (especially for me) but we managed to not do that. The problem is we were both in a relationship when we met this lifetime. And although I was ready to give up my relationship to be with him, he wasn’t. Although he admitted he cannot have the same communication and understanding with his current girlfriend as we have with each other, she’s the one he loves and wants to live his life with. This broke my heart and I felt the worse loss in my life. I felt like I have already lost him before which was another confirmation that we’ve been together before this lifetime. I’m better now but still obsessed with him, and longing to be around him. I must say that I’ve never seen him so happy than when we were together and I haven’t seen myself so happy as when we were together. We complete each other and we make each other a better person. We inspire and motivate each other. We understand and accept each other in every little aspect. I tried to hate him but it’s simply impossible. I love him so deeply and purely that I can’t even have feelings of jealousy or need of control over him. I just want him to be happy and spiritually free. And I hope one day he ll come to me and decide to be with me. For the moment we don’t communicate verbally but I feel him and he feels me and we can feel each other intentions when we look at each other. Without any words. What do you think? If he recognized me why isn’t he with me? Doesn’t he make the difference between his soul mate and his so called love of his life (meaning this life)? Will he ever come around in this lifetime? Should I just keep being withdrawn from his life or should I fight for him?
    Thank you so much for your advice

  • Selina Khan April 15, 2017, 12:15 pm

    HI Adelina,

    Those are good questions to ask. We are free will beings and he has chosen for whatever reason the path he is on, just as you have. He may not be ready or willing to make the kinds of changes needed to be with you. Whether it’s from fear, his own sense of not wanting to hurt the person he is currently with, or another reason, he has stated his choice. We are not always meant to be with those that we resonate so closely with. This is usually for growth reasons.

    I know it’s tough. Focus on what is healthy for you.


  • Noot May 27, 2017, 6:24 pm

    Why is my mate such a melt?

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